It's so easy to remember, as if it were just yesterday, the moment I sat alone in the dark at 3:00am with Rose in the hospital. Mike had gone home to get some rest and the nurse had taken Rose for a couple of hours so I could also attempt to get some sleep. I remember getting a tiny amount of sleep, waking up, and then waiting both anxiously and nervously for the nurses to bring her back. I worried that I would feel scared to be alone with my teeny baby, as I did when Paige was just born. After 2 days of no sleep, Rose was born at 7:11 am the day before, and we'd enjoyed a peaceful day with our quiet, sleepy baby. We were much more confident and capable. I, from the confines of my hospital bed, was more relaxed with nursing and holding her, and Mike taking the lead on getting her settled into her bassinet and changing her diapers, was completely at ease. But in the night time, I was hesitant to be alone with her in case she cried
inconsolably I guess. But in the early hours of that night when they brought her back and I sat with her in my hospital bed alone in my dark room with the moonlight shining in, there was instant love. I held her tiny body and looked at her dry little hands and squished nose--evidence of all that time inside
my body and was so grateful to have her in the world. It didn't matter that I'd had about 2 hours of sleep in 72 hours, or that I still needed help to get out of bed. We bonded in that moment, and as I sat there with her in the room, I felt her connection to our family instantly.
Fast forward to her 1st birthday and we can barely remember life without her. Rose enjoys chasing (super fast crawling) after her big sister, playing with her big sister's toys, and laughing and watching her big sister's every move. She is still cuddly and enjoys quiet time with mommy and daddy. Her cry still sounds like a tiny baby, and she often screams when getting her diaper changed. She sometimes sleeps through the night...like once every 4 months, but has been sleeping better this week. She is far too active and exploratory to bother with too many naps, so she dropped down to 1 nap all on her own a couple of months ago. She's only had about 1 bottle ever, but enjoys her big girl princess cup full of water. Bath time is one of her favourite times, and she loves to crawl around playing with our hundreds of bath toys. She can totally walk (up to 10 or so steps), just chooses not to most of the time, as crawling is the much faster option. She has always been an easy to read baby that is rarely fussy. However, she saves her big smiles for people she knows and
shys away from strangers, giving them a blank expression. She can say Mama and Daddy, Baby (day-
dee), and hi. She has also said
Paigey a couple of times (Dee-gee).
I doubt Paige can even remember what life was like before Rose entered into it. Paige loves her sister so much and is excited each and every time Rose comes into Paige's room in the morning, or wakes up from her nap. When she sees a picture of video of Rose she can barely hold herself back from kissing and hugging the screen. There has been no jealousy, and Rose has only made Paige's life more exciting and fun.
It's easier as a second time parent to remember and savour these moments of Rose's first year. They aren't so diluted by sleep deprivation--something we've become accustomed to in the last few years. There are so many things I forget about Paige's babyhood. I am infinitely grateful that I started the blog 3.5 years ago, so I have all the memories in writing. I feel like I will remember more about Rose as a baby, but that may not hold true 3 years down the road. Although Rose turning 1 is an exciting time, it is also a little sad. I'm not sad that she is getting older and bigger, as much as I am sad that I may forget what it feels like to have her as a baby. I wish I could bottle up all of these feelings and experiences to remember them when she has grown up. The baby sounds, the smell of her hair, the hesitant walk, the way she smiles underneath her num num, her attempts to make us laugh, the feeling of kissing her soft squishy cheek, the smoothness and chubbiness of her skin, and nursing her to sleep and carrying her in her swaddle or sleep sack over to her crib. I look forward to her growing up but wish I wouldn't have to forget anything about it. Now is the time that I get mad at myself for not taking much much more video. Maybe all the feelings of your own children as babies come rushing back to you when you hold another baby? Kind of like how touching a kicking baby through a pregnant stomach brings me right back.
This year has gone by so quickly. There have been many sleepless nights, countless hours of rocking her in her dark room in the night, many tears and poopy diapers, tons of colds and pink eye, and lots of running around. I probably didn't get out on my own as much as I should have, and spent a lot of time cancelling plans, or not making them. Rose is only a baby once, and if I had to sacrifice my own time to spend it with her, well, that's just what a mother does. It was all worth it to have her in our life.
Happy Birthday Rose, we love you! We look forward to all of the memories to come!
She didn't help open many of the gifts, but Paige had fun helping, or opening the the other ones.
Rose in her jammies. One of her solo walking moments.
Rose's first pony ride! She actually really enjoyed it!
Paige on "Dragon". How awesome. She loves dragons.
5 day old ducks.
Pedal tractors.
